Longevity of a Confession
by PwXL
Summary: Fifteen years too long Hans has kept his feelings quiet about the girl he loves.


We've known each other since we were children, Elsa and I. Fifteen years last month in fact. She's a few years older than me, but physically you can hardly tell. I'd say I can pass looking older than my age. I've grown into my face and no longer have the baby fat I once had around my cheeks and sides. I'm a man now. The kind that Elsa deserves.

You see, however, I am not the one she desires. Elsa is the epitome of a secure, individualistic woman and there is no one on this planet that can change that. She will forever be enough for herself without a companion to make her feel reassured and confident. It's been that way for a few years now ever since her parents died and after an imperative event in her life, she had the epiphany of how deeply they were hurting and confining her while they were still alive. You cannot confine such a beautiful creature.

It wasn't just personality that changed with this newfound confidence either, but also her appearance. The timid, well but soft spoken blonde who dressed in turtle necks and long sweaters had transformed into this elegant woman who feared not showing her delicate, yet defined shoulders and occasionally a tease of her upper thigh in her favorite dress with the hip split. I admit, I am that much more attracted to her since she's realized her own beauty. Bittersweetly, I have not been the only one to notice.

There's another person who is as fixated on the blonde as I am. An adorable, welcoming, redhead who is liked by every single person that meets her. We know each other from work and just so happen to both work the same shift that Elsa studies during. I'm unsure of exactly when the freckled redhead first noticed my friend, but considering it takes no more than 0.3 seconds for the average human to become completely enamored with Elsa, it's safe to assume it was the day she started working at the library a few weeks ago. You cannot miss the radiance of Elsa. Every head in the room turns when she walks by, men and women alike.

Heading through the front doors, I look to my watch and note five minutes until my shift starts at two o'clock which is exactly the time my very prompt friend enters the same doors daily. I clock in a minute early per usual and lean against the stairs by the front door. It is almost ritualistic now. The library's clock chimes twice and up the walkway, I see her. Coffee and laptop in hand, light blue button up shirt, black pants, and black flats with her infamous side braid. Simple, yet undeniably beautiful.

"Hey! Need a hand?" As always, I offer to help carry whatever she's hauling around that day and without fail, I'm denied.

"No, thank you, Hans. But, it's kind of you to ask. Daily." Giving me the side eye and a smirk, she passes by me without even slowing her pace and I can't help but give her figure a quick glance over in appreciation of it's perfection. Taking a few quick strides to catch up, I match my steps with hers in sync.

"You too busy to see the new Spider-Man movie tonight? I heard it was good, but there are so many these days I can hardly keep up. Pretty sure I am three movies behind now." I see blue eyes ponder for a moment and I'm happy to see a small smile appear on her face.

"You're right. I'd say I'm many movies behind as well. But, I can't tonight... I have a date." She says this quietly and with a fond smile at some unspoken memory.

Suddenly, our feet are no longer in sync and my smile drops as my chest tightens. It's a sharp stab to my chest, a mixture of a half dozen emotions I can barely sift through. Fear and jealousy without a doubt. Followed by anger towards myself for being a lifelong coward and not to mention embarrassment for thinking I had a chance at all. These clashing feelings are all crashing down on me, but I cannot show any of them. Now is not the time to confess my feelings for her.

"A date, you say? Do I know him?" I try my best to ask in a friendly tone instead of the breaking one I feel building up in my throat.

Thankfully, Elsa continues her head on the path and doesn't seem to notice the strained smile on my face as I try to convince her I'm excited to hear the news. "Well, she works here actually. So, you might know her. Anna, the cute redhead?"

Instantaneously, my blood boils. Anna! What a surprise that is! It's clear as day the girl has a thing for Elsa, but when the hell did she act on it? I do not remember even seeing Anna walk in Elsa's direction during our shifts and I sure as hell don't ever recall seeing Elsa look in Anna's direction showing interest. What makes this girl so special that she can just go up to such a phenomenal woman and ask her out on a date without even knowing anything about her and Elsa saying yes? It is not like the blonde at all to just accept such a proposal on a whim either.

My head is filling with all these questions and I ring my hands behind my back to conceal my turmoil from her. Trying my absolute best to appear unphased, I keep my voice at a "slightly interested" tone and nod as I pretend to try and slowly recall this Anna while we walk through the front doors. "Oh, yes. The new worker, Anna. I haven't talked to her much, but she seems like a nice girl."

My jealousy is limitless when I notice the light blush creep onto Elsa's cheeks as another unspoken memory crosses her mind. Her porcelain skin only makes her reaction that much more noticeable, but hardly anything makes her blush. So, I could only imagine what transpired between the two to cause that response.

If skin could turn green, my body would be covered by now.

Elsa must not be completely in this tense because she doesn't even notice the stiff jawed, somber look on my face as she looks up at me and agrees. "She's a very nice girl, indeed. That's one thing I've found most appealing about her. She's quite kind."

I notice Elsa begin looking around the library in search of something, most likely Anna. But, no luck. I know the worker must be back in the office at the moment, putting away her things or talking with another worker about who knows what. I'm just glad she wasn't also waiting at the front door for Elsa. I don't know how I would have handled seeing them together while Elsa explained to me her dinner plans with the girl.

Finally, Elsa gives up on her search and without turning back towards me, wishes me a good day at work and walks towards her usual study table. I notice this time she sits facing the front door as opposed to her habit of facing the wall where less things can distract her. I can't help but roll my eyes at the desperation I exaggerate in my mind. Throughout my shift, I see the little things Elsa is doing differently to try and gain the attention of a particular someone who isn't me. Even though I am the one who has always given her all of my attention.

For the third time today, Elsa lets her pencil roll off the table, creating a small echo in the corner she sits at. And for the third time today, Anna looks over to the noise and acts quickly to pick up the pencil before the blonde, but Elsa never lets her get too close before reaching down and picking it up herself. I scoff at the childish game before me and turn towards an approaching coworker who, no doubt, is going to ramble on about some stupid drunk weekend event they attended or the girl they hooked up with and now can't get away from quick enough. Foolish, all of it. Yet, I play along for the distraction and put in more energy than necessary to keep the conversation alive and sound interested. Anything to keep my mind off the two behind me.

By the end of my shift, I almost have this Anna girl all figured out. She's cute, a little charming, has a way of making someone feel comfortable around her, and has quickly become the library favorite. That used to be me by the way, if you are wondering. A good worker she is, at least, and I could admit she has never missed a day or been late, surprisingly. It's only been a few weeks for her though, so there's still time. No one ever has anything bad to say about her and multiple times she's gone out of her way to help cover a coworker's shift who had an emergency. I bet she's just happy to get the hours mainly. And-

 _My God, how low have you fallen?_

I stop my thoughts and dwell on the subconscious one that wormed its way to the front. How low have I fallen? Not a single negative thing could be said about Anna and here I am trying my absolute hardest to manipulate every action of hers into something less than the positive act that it is. Jealousy has made me weak and petty.

Sighing a breath of irritation at myself as well as exhaustion from my own mental torture today, I walk to the back room to grab my things and of course, the luckiest girl in the world in standing by the wall. She's smiling stupidly while her thumbs scatter over the screen for what I assume to be a text to Elsa. I'm feeling slightly awkward and less angry considering Elsa wasn't there to talk highly about her newfound crush and I just want to hurry and grab my things so I can go home. Thankfully, Anna seems enthralled enough in her text to not even know I am there.

Quickly and quietly so I am not noticed, I grab my bag from the cabinet and make it out of the door without any interference. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice girl like I said, but that does not mean that I have anything to say to her. I wouldn't even know what to say to strike up a conversation anyway. Hey, so I heard you're taking out the girl of my dreams to dinner tonight. Need a few pointers on her?

I shake my head at my foolish thoughts and grab my keys, unlocking my car. It's a relief to finally sit down and take a moment of silence to myself as I close the door and just look off into the distance. Sadly, my moment to myself doesn't last long as I see a bobbing bit of red hair begin its way to the car right in front of mine. Not surprised at life, I watch Anna open her car door and I become interested in what I see in her hands next. She pulls from inside a small bouquet of blue roses and what looks like a box of dark chocolates and places on the hood of her car. Quickly, Anna scribbles something onto the box of candy and smiles to herself.

Dark chocolates, Elsa's favorite. Blue roses, a little different, but blue is the blonde's favorite color.

Just like that, the redhead puts everything back into the car and drives away with that same dorky smile, leaving me in an almost empty parking lot. I put my head back against the headrest and catch my reflection in the visor above me. A very handsome, well put together, charming man stares back at me. I'm a definite catch. I know all the right things to say. I dress great, smell great, look great and not to mention my smile shines. Hard working, smart, mature, funny, focused, and I actually listen when a girl speaks… how much more can a girl want? How much more can Elsa want?

I don't know what answer to give myself. I'm tired of today. So, I drive home, cover my ears with my headphones to drown out my own thoughts and within the hour sleep takes over.

Two o'clock hits the next day and without fail, I see the blonde making her way up the path holding her coffee, laptop, and a few extra books she had checked out the day prior. Her hands look especially full today, so I push myself off the staircase to attend to her and I'm suddenly halted by the body scurrying past me.

"Sorry, Hans!"

Anna zips by me and swoops in to save the day. Not that Elsa is in need of help, but today she is actually carrying extra things that I may be able to help her with. But, knowing the blonde and her daily denials, I stop where I am and just watch with a confident smirk on my face. The zelous redhead will be denied just as I. Elsa doesn't take help.

The sound of my jaw dropping can't be any louder as I witness Elsa accept the extended offer to carry her books up the walkway with her. For over a year, my offers have been rejected time and time again. Yet, with Anna, Elsa has allowed herself to be less than fully guarded. It may not seem like much to some, but taking help from someone is something I have not seen from Elsa in years if she could help it. She has had this invisible shield up for quite some times now, so to see her voluntarily break it down on her own accord without much fight at all astounds me.

Before I could be seen, I turn back and hurry behind the staircase to give myself a moment to collect my thoughts. What makes Anna so worthy?

The first hour of my shift goes by much like the previous day's with Elsa facing towards the door, hoping she might catch a glimpse of her crush and me trying my best to avoid the blushes that creep onto her face when she sees her. I see her turn her attention towards her phone and she smiles at what she sees. I tighten my jaw at what I see and decide to see what all the hype over Anna is about.

Sitting without an invitation, I pull her attention away from her phone. "Elsa, what is it you see in Anna?" I can see her eyebrows raise slightly and she blinks a few times in confusion at my forwardness.

"Uh, well.. This is odd of you to ask so bluntly, Hans. And I missed you this morning on the walkway. Is there something the matter?" She's still holding her phone and I feel it's her way of keeping a small barrier between us. Her guard is still up even with me.

"Just, what made you of all people agree to seeing someone like her? Not that she's bad or anything, but I didn't know that she was your type." Quite frankly, I don't know Elsa's type at all. We never speak of those types of things and I find out quickly she isn't afraid to call me out on that with a quirked brow.

"Oh, you know my type, do you? Tell me, what is my type?"

It's no surprise that I stupidly stutter my way through this next sentence. "Well, your type is… is someone who..someone who is like.."

"Like you?" At her words, my heart beats harder and I swear I could feel it pounding against it's cavity. What exactly did she mean by this? Was this some type of hint saying I'm her type? Or was this just her way of saying she already knows how I feel about her? Instantly, my stomach is in knots and I fear her next words. They may be the words I have been longing to hear for years or simply the words that will feel like a sledgehammer to my heart. With a swallow of my nerves, I look Elsa straight in the eyes and dive in.

"Am I your type?" Hearing the words leave my mouth doesn't feel real. It feels like someone else is having this conversation and I am on the outside. Listening intently and waiting for what feels like one thousand years for a response because Elsa is just staring at me, emotionless. Stoic. She doesn't even blink for the first fifteen seconds and when she does I think my heart finally begins to beat again.

Until her next straightforward word at least. "No."

In this moment, I imagine a physical hand ripping through my chest and tearing out my heart would have been a less painful experience than this. She did do just that, but with her single word. I'm crushed inside, but I cannot show it on my face. What would our relationship become if she ever knew the truth? Regardless, here is where I discover if I am worthy of an Oscar or not.

Smirking, I lean back in my chair and give a slight chuckle. "Oh, Elsa. What a foolish foolish mistake you're making. Don't you know I'm the best there is? How can anyone deny these sideburns?" And just like that, she's smiling and rolling her eyes at my words. It's relieving to see her smile and for the awkward tension to be broken, but inside I am screaming to leave her presence. I need to escape.

"Sorry, Prince Charming, I just can't see you like all these ladies do. We're like siblings and that would be too weird." Her words sound nonchalant. Like this is common knowledge that we both are aware of and she's simply stating this for some unseen audience. The words only add to my pain, but I do not deny them.

Fifteen years of laughter, tears, heartache, and elation flashed across my thoughts and I know exactly what my friend means. Elsa and I were always there for each other through the best and hardest times of each other's lives. She was my best friend growing up and someone I could turn to to help me calm down when I wanted nothing more than to strangle one of my many brothers. She has always been my rock and nothing is worth damaging that over. Not even one sided true love. Was there such a thing?

Using the time as an excuse to get back to work, I stood and turned my back to Elsa. I hear her place her phone back down and flip to another page in her textbook as if that scene was part of an average day. I can't blame her. To Elsa, I'm just the best friend. My cowardness locked me in place and I never felt worthy of taking the leap. Perhaps it was actually for the better in the end. Better for our relationship.

Exhaling deeply, I look around and spot Anna helping a child find a particular dvd to rent and the determined expression on her face to find this movie brought a smile to my own. Feeling bold and slightly confrontational, I walk over with my chest a little pushed out and the redhead turns to me with a welcoming smile that deflates my chest like a pin to a balloon. The was no competition.

"Hans, do you know where we can find a snowman movie for this little guy? I'm looking through these Disney movies and I can't seem to recall which would have one." Anna places her finger on her chin as she begins scanning the hundreds of movies we have available.

I'm silent for a moment while I take in the presence, appearance, and character of the one person who is the center of my envy. She's beautiful, kind, gentle hearted, and I have seen her go above and beyond for the girl I love and strangers alike. She's someone who Elsa deserves and in time, we will see if she deserves Elsa. I will be there judging quietly in the background, yes, but I will also be there for Elsa if she needs me. I will always be there for her and she for me.

Returning my thoughts to reality, I mull over our movies for a moment and smile when the right one hits me. "Snowman movie huh? Ah, yes. I know just the movie. Follow me."


End file.
